Not Safe At Home

The events of last weekend with suicide of a Kansas City Chiefs player after he murdered his girlfriend brings to light much conversation concerning domestic violence. As a police officer it was quite illuminating how much domestic violence did occur. We saw what went on behind closed doors in all types of neighborhood, it happens to everyone regardless of profession, education, race or whatever categorization you look at.

There was a married couple who seemed to have the perfect relationship.  But on several occasions, especially when the husband had been drinking, there was trouble.  One time the husband punched at the wife, she ducked and he created a dent in the refrigerator, another time he punched at her, she moved and there was a hole in the sheetrock wall in the dining room.  The husband was always very remorseful, sorry and very loving for weeks or months following an incident.  The wife thought if she just would not disagree with him when he was in one of his moods it wouldn’t happen again.  The third time the husband beat on her so bad in the bedroom a blood stain was left on the bedspread.  The fourth time he was violent toward the wife it was with a gun, she left after trying to protect herself with a shotgun. She never returned and got divorced in a few months.

I just threw out the blood stained bedspread this year. I didn’t want to keep it as a reminder any longer. I always thought women who allowed a man to hit her more than once was a fool. I always thought  I would never allow that, but I did. He and I got along 99% of the time. He was very sweet and charming and didn’t get mean every time he drank. We had lots of fun partying most the time, except when he was in one of those weird moods.  I loved him and I didn’t want to be a failure at my marriage.

I thought I could handle anything, I was a rough and tough cop; I could protect myself. Yes, I could, but I shouldn’t have had to fight for survival in my own home. Our homes are supposed to be our refuge, our safe haven. It can happen to anyone. If you know a victim of domestic violence try to give them the support they need, offer to let them stay with you or drive them to a shelter.  Remember, they might be too embarrassed to ask.

Until later,

Sally S